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Claimed: The Roast of DT

BluObieZ

By BluObieZ
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BluObieZ

BluObieZ 1,125

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Okay… I should probably forewarn everyone before reading this. Because this will read like an all-out attack on DT. This is meant to be a roast and nothing but one. Roasts are supposed to be fun and brutally mean. I hope this does not scare new member’s away thinking that we just attack people. I actually will be doing this semi-weekly now since it’s fun.

 

 

 

 

Welcome all to the thing you have been waiting for all week long, the Roast of DT. I could lead this off by ripping into him about the comments that he made but he “apologized” so apparently I should accept it and forgive him for his stupidity. But that’s not me and you know that. Will this piss him off? I honestly don’t care what this a roast in online league will do to him. Hell, I am not even sure if he didn’t listen to me and didn’t put a rifle up his love hole and pulled that trigger. For his sake and everyone else’s I hope that he did, since I believe in respect for the dead; in fact the only way I could respect you is if you were dead.

 

Okay was that a little harsh? Wishing that he stuck something up the hole he loves meat sausages up and pulling that trigger? I think not. Because it would give him a little bit of anal pleasure before he offs himself. You have stars these days hanging themselves which is so medieval if you ask me. So they decided that they had to give it a new twist. People are now hanging themselves while they jerk off. Apparently it’s the ultimate high. So I went a bit different approach and told him to pleasure himself with the gun up his ass. That’s two things he likes. Anal and guns. Before he offs himself. Instead of Jacks himself off. Oh… RIP Chris Cornell. Not that I listened to your music or knew who you were but! You did hang yourself.

 

But let me shy away from death and DT taking the quitters way out of life. As much of a dick that he is I do not wish death on him. I just wish him a long life of misery and pain. Much like the kids with Down syndrome. Nothing against those kids at all, they are brave people. But they go through life knowing people don’t expect anything of them. Much like DT. If shit was music, DT would be an orchestra. He’s about as useless as asshole with taste buds.

 

Truth be told this roast is heading down the long road of death. I do not want that. But let me just say this DT if I wanted to kill myself I’d climb your ego and jump to your IQ. That’s a free fall, or for simple minded people a straight drop. The only thing about you that is straight.

 

Speaking of roads. You must have been born on the highway because that’s where most accidents happen. I mean seriously if you want to know about mistakes you should ask your parents. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. Honestly dealing with you this week has made me realize why some animals eat their young. You really are the reason why gene pools need a lifeguard.

 

DT I don’t even know how we got to this point. We used to get along and laugh and joke around but now I write this roast. Why? Is it because I am a prick and an asshole? Sure! But it also shows that this league and all of the internet is about joking around and having fun. Not getting shit face drunk and telling me to bring all my kids. Honestly I may have deserved the comment because of comments I said years ago, but to hear it from you was a shocker a bit… that is till I realized your family tree is a cactus because everyone on it is a prick. If I wanted to hear from an asshole while I was going through that tough time I would have farted. Two wrongs don’t make a right DT, learn that. Your parent’s sure didn’t.

 

But let’s get serious here for a moment. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the second happiest person on earth. After me that is. You and Donald Trump are tied for second. Speaking of fake president. DT you have more Chin’s then Chinatown (Read that like how Trump says China)If Trump had a dollar for every time DT said something smart he would be broke as fuck.

 

I guess what I’m trying to say is it’s better to let someone think you’re an idiot than to open your mouth and prove it. But in all truthfulness let me get serious here. I don’t think you are stupid. You just have bad luck when thinking. Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all stupid people. So I will not call you stupid. I will call you absent minded. Remember this. Brains aren’t everything. In your case they are nothing. But let me end this point off on a positive note. Keep talking DT, someday you’ll say something intelligent. Chin up bud. All three of them.

 

 DT… I think I will end this here. I hope you can take this for what it is. A joke. Something that should show you what leagues and the internet is all about. I do not expect us to go back to being buddy buddy but it would be nice if you didn’t lose your limited mind about this. It’s a roast. Roasts are supposed to be brutal like this. It’s too make people laugh. At your expense but oh fucking well. That is life. If bullshit could float you would be the admiral of the fleet. Honestly DT I wasn’t born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel about you. I would love to seriously and meaningfully insult you… but that would be beyond your level of intelligence. Think before you speak or in this case type. Sit there and shut up, you’ll never be the man your mom is. But I will end it right there. Thank you and goodnight. (mic drop)

 

Looking for people who want to be roasted by me. I would like to do this semi-weekly because I believe this is fun. You know you all watched the comedy central roasts. Post below if you want to be roasted.

Edited by BobertZ
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