Moderator frescoelmo 1,217 Posted April 4, 2017 Moderator Share Posted April 4, 2017 Our Lady Of Perpetual Motion - Rookie Profile By: Frescoelmo half the vhl just got a chub The Goods Name: Our Lady Of Perpetual Motion Nickname: OLOPM, God’s Hoe Age: 21 (aka legal!!) Hometown: Bethlehem, Israel Height (inches): 80 Weight (lbs.): 210 Overview Our Lady Of Perpetual Motion was clearly destined for failure as the next messiah, so she took up hockey in Israel, a nation where ice is as plentiful as Burger King franchises... which is approximately three. Nonetheless, Perpetual Motion was not going to let the lack of opportunities weigh her down. At the young age of 18, Perpetual Motion looked long and hard across the western world for a hockey club to call her own. Landing in Portland, Maine, Perpetual Motion ended up thriving in a complementary role as a backup goalie for the Pirates, eventually working her way up to starting goalie and in her most recent year an all-star. Perpetual Motion has many things going for her; footwork, flexibility, and quickness to name a few. As the league's most recent (perhaps even only?) female goaltender, that's really about it. As for future prospects, the latest in a long line of frescoelmo clients is likely to be the least successful of the bunch. Perpetual Motion is most certainly going to be a career-long minor league journeyman, but she apparently doesn't mind... unfortunately for Toronto. Pros As aforementioned, Our Lady Of Perpetual Motion’s light touch on the ice benefits her in many ways. Her agility for one, cannot be understated. While netminding, Perpetual Motion’s ability to quickly adjust in any situation and get into place gives her the best opportunities to make saves. For Christ’s sake (get it?), she made over 100 saves in a game earlier this season for minor-league affiliate Bratislava (now defunct). Our Lady’s rebound control is another advantage, given her ability to glide from side to size with relative ease. Lastly, Perpetual Motion’s great hand speed can be attributed to her flexibility and long-standing dexterity from all of the manual labor she performed growing up, which she was not willing to go into further detail about. Cons Our Lady Of Perpetual Motion has a few glaring weaknesses that she will need to shore up if she ever plans on making it to the pros. Namely, her skating leaves much to be desired. Despite her quick and agile qualities, she often times gets caught up moving so fast without a good base. Additionally, her experience is quite limited. Despite having played three years in America, Perpetual Motion had a hard enough time finding ice in Israel, let alone a league that she could rely on year in and out. Hopefully a few years of seasoning in the VHLM will do her wonders in realizing her potential. And without a doubt, Our Lady’s lack of size is noticeable, if not downright depressing. The 210 pounds she weighs? With pads, saturated in sweat, likely in Alabama in the middle of July. No way she weighs 210 pounds. She is susceptible to shots near or above her head and can often times get pushed around by bigger forwards. Consensus Our Lady Of Perpetual Motion is a good story for those who make the best of of nothing. She has worked hard to get to where she is with limited opportunities, if not talent. Best case scenario? Starting in the VHL occasionally as a backup goalie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator frescoelmo 1,217 Posted April 4, 2017 Author Moderator Share Posted April 4, 2017 Yes, even I'm surprised I managed to sit still for 30 minutes to put this heap of shit into a word processor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gudnason 607 Posted April 4, 2017 Share Posted April 4, 2017 Very well written @frescoelmo. Presentation is spot-on too; color, spacing, pictures - it's all there. And did you really have a 100-save game?! Good luck in your VHLM career if that's what you're planning on doing with her. messiah --> Messiah western world --> Western world Perpetual Motion has many things going for her; footwork, flexibility, and quickness to name a few. --> Perpetual Motion has many things going for her: footwork, flexibility, and quickness to name a few. (colon) ...but she apparently doesn't mind... unfortunately for Toronto. --> fragment minor-league affiliate Bratislava --> factual error! The VHLM teams are not affiliated with anything! glide from side to size --> glide from side to side who make the best of of nothing --> who make the best out of nothing Grade: 5.5 / 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator frescoelmo 1,217 Posted April 4, 2017 Author Moderator Share Posted April 4, 2017 yeah i need to get MS word back haha... thanks for reading and not just reviewing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gudnason 607 Posted April 4, 2017 Share Posted April 4, 2017 8 minutes ago, frescoelmo said: yeah i need to get MS word back haha... thanks for reading and not just reviewing How can you review without reading it?! Beats me frescoelmo 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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