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Claimed:Let the bass drop


BluObieZ

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Vernon Von Axelberry was born out of his mom’s vagina June 6th 1998 in Anchorage Alaska. A place where you would think he would be encouraged to play hockey. But yet his parents never really pushed him to play hockey. They rather have him try to fit in with the local kids and do whatever that is that they do up there. Vernon’s father Tony was from Italy and his wife was the daughter of Russian mobster Ilya Kulikov.

 

Rumors were that when Ilya found out that his only daughter was pregnant with Vernon and Tony was the father that he threatened to kill Tony for deflowering his daughter. Tony then had to make a decision to save his own ass and his babies life so he moved his family to bum fuck nowhere Alaska or as some call it Anchorage.

 

Growing up Vernon knew he was different then the idiots that grew up in Anchorage. He had no interest in clubbing seals, hunting moose or the annual poke a killer whale in the blowhole festivities. All he knew what that he wanted to get rich and get the fuck out of dodge. Little did he know that his mother Suzanna was the due to get a big inheritance when her father died and Tony had some offshore money with his *cough* dealings in Italy *cough*

 

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As soon as he hit the age of 12 he hit the ice, but not to play hockey he hit the ice of Nome Alaska and went ice dredging for gold at the bottom of the Bering Sea. That season he dredged up nearly 400 ounces of gold which is about $600,000. Which he right away invested into a summer dredge and about 1.2 million reasons why he shouldn’t give up this in the soon future.

 

Upon returning home during the fall he was a millionaire by the age of 13. He didn’t really have much to spend on because he couldn’t drive yet and Anchorage is a shit hole so he saved up his money. The next few seasons Vernon averaged about 1.5 million and by the time he turned 16 he had about 10 million dollars banked.

 

By now he got tired of doing the so called “dirty work” himself so he found a crew that would run the operation and he would give them a small and I do mean small cut of the gold count. He now started to spend some money of a new Truck since he got his learners permit. He bought a fleet of snow mobiles so he and his friends can torment the people around town and he invested in the only Starbucks in all of Anchorage. The dude was set for life but it wasn’t enough for him. He wanted more.

 

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At the age of 17 he decided that he was going to move to Las Vegas because Anchorage was boring. This is where he fell in love with EDM and electronic dance music. So he decided that if some of these no talent hack wonnabe DJ’s were making music so will he. He had a 2 million dollar music studio put into his penthouse villa in Las Vegas. He started working with industry icons on making his music better and better. To the point that many times the big shots even thought his music was better than theirs. So they stopped working with him out of fear that he would be more popular then them.

 

This didn’t stop young Vernon this made him want to crush his competition. He signed a record deal with Virgin Records and went on a small tester tour in USA. People and molly heads loved him so much that his first album “Molly Trip” went straight to the top of the charts. Virgin now decided to send their megastar DJ on a world tour.

 

By the end of that tour DJ Vern came back to Las Vegas to a deal to become the house DJ at the Bellagio Hotel. A deal that came with his own penthouse suite and any 3 super cars that he wanted. Now imagine if you were a 17 year old with millions upon millions you would not have a care in the world. You would eat sleep DJ repeat and count your money on your spare time.

 

But that isn’t DJ Vern. He was getting slowly bored in his down time. After waking up from his Molly trip he would just sit around and sometimes even stare at the wall instead of naked women right in front of him. Not that he didn’t find them hot, but that he needed something fun and exciting that would tide him over from the point he wakes up to the point he goes to DJ at night. Basically needed to something for 4-5 hours because he would wake up in the afternoon.

 

In came the Las Vegas Golden Knights. A announcement that didn’t really shake his world because he did not know about hockey like most Las Vegasians. But one night while DJ’ing he was asked during an interview what was next for him. He had to think about it a bit till he saw a hockey jersey for the Golden Knights. He told the interviewer that he will be a goalie for the Golden Knights because only he is worthy enough of being the heart and soul of the franchise.  

 

The interviewer had to ask him if he was too high on Molly to understand what he said. Too which he told her that he maybe high but he will learn what hockey is and will learn to be the best goalie of all time. Which he yelled into the microphone. At which time the fans chanted “Goalie Vern” over and over.

 

In the morning Vernon started to research what was hockey and how to play it. He had the look of sheer shock and terror when he found out. But he wouldn’t back down from what he said the night before. He was going to bed a hockey goalie so he declared for the S54 VHL Draft. Will he be any good? Who fucking knows? If I had to guess he would be worse than a beer league goalie or he can be a natural and be the next Patrick Roy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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